With a quiet apartment comes serenity.
With serenity comes clarity.
With clarity comes peace of mind.
Peace of mind, it's good to have you back.
My roommate and his girlfriend are out on a Tahoe trip this weekend and only on these rare occasion am I able to sit at the dining table alone and write whatever there is to write about. With a bottle of Mondavi and a half cup of green tea next to me, I just had the sudden urge to write.
Coming home late last night from karaoking with Andrew and some of the Rotaract members, I didn't think I would be able to wake up in time to drive Tho to the airport. It's funny really. Being in the presence of some of the Rotaract members that night made me thought of Shelly. I can't help but relapse on that first day I met her at that VSA bbq.
"You remind me of Andrew Taw"
"You should join Rotaract".
"Motor Rake?" I inquired.
"No, Rotaract...have you not heard of the Rotary club?" She answered with her provocative smile.
These reminiscent dialogue played in my head as I was scanning through the song titles in the karaoke book that night. I couldn't help it.
Still dressed in my "Crazy 88" (minus the obscure black mask) outfit from last night karaoke session, I woke up at 8:00 am, grabbed my car keys and drove over to Sycamore Lane to pick Tho. Our conversation during the car ride was anything but comfortable. Half the time I couldn't really made out what she was saying to me. Not that she was incapable of carrying out a conversation but mainly I couldn't hear what she was conversing.
I lowered the radio down.
No...still couldn't hear what she was saying. So I tried to make the car ride less awkward by bringing up topics of her decease dog, her brother, my not decease dog, her brother again and the cycle continues. (God I’m so insensitive) I liked her leather brown boots though.
After dropping her off at Sac Int' Airport, the rain began to pour even more. Is this what Sacramento was like these past couple of days? How fitting.
Sacramento rain, please stay.
I drove and drove, absorbing the melody of these musical raindrops. A long car ride was exactly what I needed. I didn't care to be anywhere else. The fast lane is where I needed to be. I just needed to move onward.
Motion.
Momentum.
It's all I ask for really. I dialed Tyrone, a friend of mine that I met during Orientation for a possible text book exchange. I didn't want to leave Sacramento just yet and get nothing accomplish. I wanted to be ready for this winter quarter as soon as possible. Preemptive action if you will. We rendezvous at Arden Fairwest Mall and did our exchange. My biochemistry for his physiology, only temporary though. It was good to see him again I'm not going to lie. It's good to know that a community college brother like himself is doing very well in his first quarter at Davis. However, I couldn't help but envy him. But the fact that we share a common struggle was comforting.
I walked around the mall and helped him shop for his Grandma's Christmas gift. There's nothing I rather do on a Saturday morning then help a man shop a gift for his beloved grandma. Actually it was not for his grandma, but rather his girlfriend’s grandma.
“What do you think of this $40 red blazer? Should I get it?“ He asked
“Do you really love your girlfriend’s grandma that much?“ I replied.
“Yeah you’re right” He laughed. “I’m going to go for the $14 sweater.
“Good man” I said.
After an hour of relentless shopping action, it was time to go. We exchange last few words, gave each other the what you would call "hands shake-fingers locked-shoulder rub" ritual and departed.
"Hey..." Tyrone said with his optimistic eyes.
"Yeah?" I said.
"Don't lose hope man. If you need help, I got your back."
"Thanks. I really appreciate it."
"Oh and also...you're really good at the guitar. I envy your skill, really." He said.
"Thanks, but the guitar isn’t going to get me anywhere. It's good to know there's someone out there who enjoys it. I'll teach you."
We went along our ways. It began to rain even harder.
Sacramento rain, please stay.
I got in the car and began to dial Zoe's number. I miss her and I wanted to see how she’s staying in Sacramento. I haven't spoken to this girl or see her since forever. I arrived at around 2:00 pm. Normally I would be all jittery and love-sick over her but today I wasn’t. I had move on. It’s surprisingly how time can factor in the healing process.
“Zoe, hey. I’m outside at your apartment. But you’re really bad at giving directions. When you say blue apartment I didn’t think a strip of blue paint would be accounted for.”
“I’m sorry! That confuses a lot of people”. She apologized. “It won’t happen again”.
I couldn’t help but stared at the name of the apartment complex. “O Apartment” was what its call, considering that it was on O Street. How fitting.
She rang me in and I haphazardly walked into the apartment narrow hallway. I can’t help but felt that these walls were going to close on me anytime soon. There she was with her head popped out of her doorway, wearing that CAL sweater she was notoriously known for.
“Hey! It’s so good to see you again.” She smiled. I remembered that smile. It brought memories of that love triangle that went on during our summer intern at Berkeley Lab two summers ago. I never forgotten that smile.
“I know. I didn’t want to leave Sac without actually seeing how you’re living”. I said.
“Well….this is my apartment. What do you think?” She asked.
“God it’s beautiful place.” And it really was. Everything was cleaned and well kept. What really got my attention was the Chinese red lantern that laid comfy on her desk. Its good to know that she stills has that Chinese part of her, even if she is ½ Chinese. It still resonate in her.
“I see you’ve been studying for your MCAT?” I asked, noticing a pile of MCAT prep book along with old science text lying adjacent.
“Yeah just recently. I haven’t been studying for awhile but these last couple of days I’ve been trying to buckle down…but hey how about some tea?”
“I would love some” I said. I have to admit her tea wasn’t that great but what the hell would I know? I enjoy being in her company and that’s all that matters. It is around her that I was able to be more of myself and without actually worrying about trying to be stupid by impressing her. We were very much alike in terms of personality and values.
We talked and talked and drank water-down green tea. The more I listened the more I realized how much different she was now but in a good way. Her persona is still the same , lively as always but the pace of her sentence was much more eloquent and rhythmic. She was much poise and intune of herself. I would be lying if I wasn’t attracted to her at that very moment.
“Are you hungry? I can tell that you’re hungry. You haven’t eaten anything have you?” She asked.
Typical Zoe, always concern about the well-being of her guest. Even having to lived in Sacramento all by herself for nearly ½ a year now, and going through both work and MCAT stress…she is still filled with love. I can’t help but wonder, how would I be going through the same shoes as she is now in these next couple of years. For someone who is a year younger than me, she’s definitely far beyond her age. Everyone I met is far beyond their age. Where have I been?
We walked out of her door, double checking to see if one of the “crazy white-neighbor-guy-who enjoys screaming to ACDC music at 3:00 in the morning” she mentioned to me earlier was anywhere in sight.
No where to be seen. Good.
We both opened our umbrella in unison and walked towards my car. As we walk side by side I can’t help but notice her brown leather shoes, something that she doesn’t normally wear. I like this change of her.
“You know I have to tell you this Zoe.”
“Yeah?” She turned to her right shoulder and ask as we were walking.
“There’s something different about you. Your demeanor, the way you talk and carry yourself…it’s incredibly different.”
“Really? Maybe it has to do with me working at my new job? You can’t help but pick up on other people ‘s lingo and personality when placed in that type of environment.” She said.
“Perhaps you’re right, it suits you.” I smiled. It’s not that she was a completely different person but rather someone who is much more aware of herself. She figure out what makes her happy and what she wanted to do with her life.
As we ate, she began to ask me if I have seen the movie “500 Days of Summer.”
“Yeah I’ve seen it.” I said.
“Oh goodness! Did you like it? I love the soundtrack to that movie” She said
“It was good.” I couldn’t help but thought of Shelly and I at Chem 194.
“You think so? Every guy I ask who has seen that movie told me that they see themselves as the protagonist. Does every guy see themselves like him”. She asked.
Her hazel green eyes smiled as she fired up with curiosity
“Well sure. I would be lying if I didn’t agree to that” I said
“How so?” She asked
I brought up the topic of Shelly and how ironically we broke up 2 days after the movie. Didn’t explain why though. There was no reason to bring up anything further. What’s done is done. No need to dwell in the past. Not to mention there’s nothing worse than bringing up topic of your past relationship to someone you haven’t seen for awhile. So I kept it at that.
We finished our meal and decided to head out to her work place, Americorp. No one was working today but she was willing to risk it by bringing me in and giving me a private tour of the office. The interior was legit. She showed me her work station, the coffee room, and the tree ornament she made out of recycle chocolate wrapper with all her co-worker pictures on it. It was cute.
I drove her back to her apartment and walked her back into her room.
I stood by her doorway as she walked inside.
“Hey, do you want to come in for more tea?” She asked
I could tell her that she really wanted more company. She hadn’t seen any of her old friends for awhile. I didn’t blame her, she was lonely. I would be to. Jason is very lucky to have her, they both deserved each other.
“I should be going, you have to study for your MCAT.” Truthfully I didn’t want to cause any tension between her and her boyfriend. I’m sure her boyfriend would be uncomfortable me staying at her place any longer knowing that he’s in Maryland. I have much respect for them two.
“You’re right, I should study.” She defended.
“Look, if you need anything. Call me. Don’t be afraid to. I’m only 20 minutes away okay?”
“I will” She smiled. “Come back next month for Second Saturday”.
“Adios” I said.
I got out of the complex and realized it had stop raining. I took a deep breath and just dazed at the wet autumn leaves that cling onto the concrete floor. As usual. I was spacing out and replaying our conversation in my head. “Take care Zoe” I thought to myself and walked away from her apt.
I exited onto Russell Road. It rained much harder in Davis than Sacramento. It rained much harder in Davis than anywhere else. I never felt so alone. I never felt so alive.
-Vincent
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